I am thinking of wandering around today, fleeing from my path to college, though it will be a hassle to make my way back through the traffic infested road. The only thing that would alert my parents would be the attendance text. Though, I think blocking the school number might dispel that possibility. Everything has been strange recently and I feel like crying a lot. Maybe I’ll go to JU and walk around the place, I’ll make sure to pack a t-shirt. All feels like the still sea now. I don’t know. I feel like God is forsaking me. I have been having this covert desire for a long drive recently. Truth be told, like a lot of the fancies that grip me, this too has its roots in a past memory. A journey to somewhere. I can’t recall precisely, but it was stark noon, and our car had to cross this small bridge which had buildings on its side, but they were on the periphery of the railings, four legs length at max, and their height was such that it was their roofs that lined with the bridge. After we crossed the bridge, we went through a wide road with vehicles brimming past us, there were buildings amidst what seemed like barren spaces, they looked like residential buildings and a brilliant, colossal ray of noon sun assaulted them, turning them a concrete golden. Here I found such great happiness. There is a sensational feeling of disconnectedness when one is on a long drive, A liberty from quotidian oppression that almost feels like a cheat. But returning to what I’ve been planning for tomorrow, I really do want to do it, but what if my parents find out? Afterall I’ve never done such a thing. Even I would not expect something like this out of me, though, I’m sure I myself wouldn’t be paranoid in the slightest. Trees can grow inside the house as well, into great sizes. I’ve got some money. I’ll buy some sandwiches and then go to my old home, my sweet haven. This brings back decaying memories of when I used to ride my bike all around JU, the hands of the clock overlapped their previous immobilities during my trips, totally unrestrained, Ahh, man, I had nearly died so many times during those bike rides, and that’s not an exaggeration. Rickshaws, dogs and failed brakes laid me close to a coma many a times. Uh, now that is a time I’ve lost completely and immediately. The myriad of judgements, the fleeting thoughts, the countless scribbles that I’ve failed to preserve. But maybe if I do indeed bunk college and go on this solitary excursion, maybe I’ll once again relish the taste of that lost sweetness, Growing up, being a hyper-reserved child, who spoke exclusively with hand gestures with anyone outside his family for a very long time. I had learned to be a good company for myself. And trips with my own company is something I’ve untraceably lost contact with in the past few years, perhaps tomorrow lies as a point of entry, re-entry. So, should I really do it? what could seriously go left, in its depth, it really is an innocent wish after all. Even praiseworthy to a degree despite how banal it might sound. Or will I just get my legs past that puzzle of traffic and past the school gates, and go to class and it’s all very disappointing from the moment I set foot into the campus really. It’s 5:43 am as I write this, should I really do it today? Do I have the valour? Predictively, I don’t.
